Top 10 Reasons Not to Start a Spanking Blog

Hello fellow spankoids.  I’d like to today discusss some weighty issues of extreme spanktastic importance.

Blogging is not glamorous. Even blogging on this ‘lil fetish of ours can get wearisome. And tiresome.

So if you are thinking of starting a blog on spanking, please reconsider! and think again! and maybe decide, hey after reading Dave’s top 10 reasons not to start a spank blog as listed below, you may say, “hey, no way am I going to start a spank blog. No way!”

You stare aimlessly at an endlessly blinking cursor, trying to come up with some pervy, spanky topic that has not already been blogged on 157 times. Eyes bloodshot. Eyes blurry from looking at, for blog research purposes, too much gorgeous cherry-red spanked ass.

It’s a tough life, people.

But you are trying to get your blog on. And lemme’ tell ya, it’s not easy, so here is a helpful list to inspire you NOT to get your blog on:

“Top 10 Reasons NOT to Start a Spanking Blog” by Dave.

1. Keeping track of say, 10 or 15 butt percussion blogs is challenging. Keeping track of the remaining 8,414 8,415 tushy tanning websites, with new ones growing like Lindsey Lohan’s rap sheet, is impossible. You will approach the announcement on the blogs of the latest round of 42 new spanking blogs with a potent mixture of both horror and dread.

2. Sometimes you will forget to update your blog, because you forgot that you actually had a blog.  Hey, it happens. [This once happened to Amelia Jane Rutherford, if that is any comfort to you.] Then it just gets embarrassing.  Then you will post something like: “I know it’s been about 2 to 3 years since my last blog post, however, I’d like to….”  In addition, you will also discover some bloggers who are such wonderfully amazing and brilliant writers, that you will glance at your own drunken scribblings and ramblings, and become pale, ashen and visibly ill.

3. Spam is totally wiggy. You will get spam penned by an ingenious auto-bot computer thingey that cheerfully says: “Hullo! I bookmarked your site but many links are broken, so you should check that out! Like right now! I think your right sidebar is screwy, too! Dig your blog though. NICE JOB.”

OK goodness, I will check this out right now, thanks for informing me! you idiotically email back, forthwith, this spammer proceeds to hack your email, shooting out thousands of male enhancement emails to your entire address book. It’s not pretty.

4. Spanko Blogging Burnout. SBB is out there and the symptoms are very bad and quite often quite irreversible, ranging from “Brat-Block” [Inability to Comprehend or Deal with, and/or Fear Of Common Bratting Behaviors] to the less common “Tushytitis” [Complete and Total Lack of Interest in Red Bums, Spanking and Disciplinary Dysfunctionality]. Scary, I know.

5. Your muddled brain will become so overwhelmed, and blinded, by cherry red ass that you begin to see everything through cherry-red colored glasses, and you will stop going to your day-job and obsess over how to change your right sidebar template for 7 hours and check every hour on the hour for the latest artwork by Kami Tora.

6. Maintaining link-lists is just a pain in the tushy. And trading links is a pain in the tushy. Then you will attempt to update your blog link-lists at work, a simply terrible idea, and you will get in trouble, then fired, which is a pain in the tushy, and lose all your money and have to pawn your computer on CraigsList. Hey, it happens. Anyone interested in an iMac?

7. Staying current on the blog and Webernet technology is no easy task. From plug-ins to tweeting to that whole FaceBook thingey, it’s a pain.  In my darkest hours, I wish we could go back to typewriters.  Updating your blog to the latest version WordPress without accidentally vaporizing your blog into little pixels of infinity and nothingness is Epic Fail. Is it worth it? I dunno! Which is why my current version of WordPress was designed in 1987, before the Interwebs was invented.

8. You will eventually get everyone’s name in the spanko scene horrendously confuzzled and all fouled up i.e. getting Victoria confused with Veronica, and Nicole confused with Nikki Rouge, and Sierra confused with Sienna, and Mina Meow all mixed up with Ms. Meow.  There’s Isabella and there’s Isis. Hmm, wait, then which one is Lila from Real Spanking or is it Real Life Spanking or is it Real Red Bums or is it, now wait a minute, hmm….ok now, what? See. [Drinking does not help in this matter.]

9. You will run out of ideas for the blog, and post inane Top 10 Lists.

10. You will have endless dreams of Rosaleen Young making her triumphant return. Then you wake up. To stare at a blinking cursor.


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15 thoughts on “Top 10 Reasons Not to Start a Spanking Blog”

  1. 11. You read a clever post authored by a blogging colleague, smack your palm against your forehead, and exclaim, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

    12. Just when you are ready to entirely write off e-mail as a medium, someone sends a long, complicated, and earnest message that invites a comparable response. Your carefully crafted four page reply message bounces.

    13. You discover that another blogger has not only borrowed one of your signature features, but they are executing it better.

    14. It is possible to get spanked for blogging too much about getting spanked!

    Thanks for a fun topic…

  2. Ah, you see, you’ve made a fatal error in this otherwise commendable list, which assumes that one starts a spanking blog for the purposes of blogging about spanking.

    If one starts a spanking blog for the purposes of virtually corralling an army of brats to take over the world, one finds that every day is full of charming and interesting blog events, like finding your blog on fire.

  3. Hmmm, A sort of David Lettterman Top 10 ” Not to’s” like it – I know where you’re coming from bro, I have that at the mo again…writers block, which is why I started my soapbox rant last week, it was fun for me, but probably not for everyone else heh heh!

    the curse of spanking bloggers everywhere, maybe I should just aimlessly spam instead? :mrgreen:

  4. Dave,
    Time to take some time off! Find one of the more intelligent Brats; chain her to the chair and fly. A few days in a far away monastery, perhaps a boot camp or just a good neighborhood sleazy dive bar. We all lov ya Dave and you have to pace yourself. Seems all these spanko girls owe you and they need to take you away and PAMPER you!
    Master Paul aka twisted8 😎

  5. 15. You forget that the man that spanks you reads your blog and uses it as evidence against you.

    16. You spend so long looking at pictures of girls getting spanked that you totally forget how much it hurts when it is your own.

    17. When people at work ask how you got to know so much about setting up a site you murmer and mumble and go a bit pink. Setting off the fire alarm in these situations does not help.

  6. Dave,

    I can relate to several of those, specifically 5 (everything makes me think of a good topic for a post, even when I can’t write it down at the moment) and 8 (I regularly get confused, and forget which name goes with which blog, and as for people who have two or three blogs and/or pseudonyms…)

    Great post!


  7. 18. You get hooked on spanking memes and this leads to an addiction to memes in general, from all sources on the interwebs. This leads to losing touch with reality and becoming meme obsessed.

    19. I like turtles.


  8. Well Dave, not to worry about moi ever staring my own blog. I rely too much on spontaneity to want to feel the pressure you’re refering to. Plus I am not a fully established visible member of the spanking community.

    However… I am an avid supporter of drinking while replying to bloggers’ posts! 🙂 I make more sense to MYSELF when under the influence! Maybe THIS is the new trend spanking bloggers need to adopt to relieve themselves of boredom and apathy.

  9. …and then you come up with another one of those great caption contests, and it’s all worth while. Dave, we appreciate your BLOGging. Keep it up.

  10. Bonnie: lol thanks great topics!

    Loki: You know I love you, but pls don’t set my blog on fire. That would be bad.

    Chief: sometimes ranting is good for the soul.

    Paul: I just luv the way your mind works!

    Poppy: lol…excellent!

    Hermione: hugs ya back.

    Prefect: lol…I’ve yet to do a blog “meme” thingey.

    Kelly: I wholeheartedly concur. I’m also a fan of imbibing while blogging.

    Jeremy: thank you. You are an awesome captioner.

    Audrey: Truer words were never spoken.


  11. why start a blog when you can read the best one already out there, its called CHERRY RED REPORT! plus I’m too lazy!

  12. This is hilarious! I had no idea it was so hard to be such a popular blogger. However, I hope that at least it gives you plenty of options as to spankees in your personal life. Otherwise it just wouldnt be worth it!

    This is a great blog and you have a great style about you

  13. 21. Google will randomly delete your blog and take a week or more to fix their mistake, because they let robots run Blogger instead of real people.

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